She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
