hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
