she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
