i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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