Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
