Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
