3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
