hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize