I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
