It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
