Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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