Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
