Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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