Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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