her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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