i jhust puked up my retainher.
are you so shy because you have an std?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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