Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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