You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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