So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
