I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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