I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
