whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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