I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
