Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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