Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
