I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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