Screwed.edu
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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