I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
