someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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