it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize