Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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