yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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