one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
