just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
