Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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