I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
