i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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