He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
