what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
