so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
