I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
