Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
as a side note pls kill me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
