Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
