had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
