Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
