I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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