Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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