ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
