Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
