omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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