If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
