Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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