did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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