Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
