1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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