Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
