If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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