I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.