The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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