I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
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This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU