I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
