meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize