Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
