I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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