i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
