i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
