Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
