my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
